Book Of Likes Faces

f I had to be completely honest with myself…I am tired. I am tired and its not a physical tiredness … its a very … you know, its in the soul. Its like im freaking tired and broken. Tired of going through this s***. Im tired of everything not working out and im just like … i really tried, and … i can’t not lie and say its not like ‘you dont wanna live’ kind of thing. Its more of : if god were sitting across from me right now, there would be a part of me that would just go up to him and say “listen, im done. I cant do this anymore. Im just physically and mentally spent and im done”. And its a silent battle, too. Its a battle kind of hide from the world and from the people I love and the people I want to love and the people who wants to love me because … who wants a broken person? You know, its like, if they knew … if the people in my life knew how broken i am, would they stay? And that raises the question, like “how do i fix this? Can i fix this? I dont know yet, but I am still driven to try though.

Companies fool ya because f their fancy packaging with fancy words which should be illegal. The front of most products is for entertainment and the back is for education. Everything on the front of packages is usually to get you to buy it but the back tell the actual truth! #tips

You ordered buttered noodles at every fancy restaurant You shrieked when your T shirts contained tags You couldn’t stand the feeling of seams in your socks and would always turn them inside out You had no friends besides your parent’s friends children that were forced to play with you and would reluctantly do so You were bullied heavily Despite that you didn’t necessarily look different You weren’t mean either You oftentimes escaped your body in stressful situations And would get reprimanded for “being in your own little world” You’d be harassed quietly and rebuttal loudly you’d be the only person disciplined You were described as “quirky and a little... off?” Your family friends said you’ll “grow out of it” Your parents took you to an appointment at an early age in which you were asked a series of questions you barely understood You just wanted to play with the cool putty over in that corner They put you on a pill that made you tired and caused weight gain You’d go back every couple of months to put your feet in corn & rice with objects you’d have to pick out with your toes You’ve never had a boyfriend A best friend Or even a slumber party Your only friend is twice your age You only get along with little kids and those older than yourself Your peers seem alien When you finally get a significant other you’re not sure what to do and usually rush they also become your whole focus or perhaps the opposite You get your first job and it’s grade school all over again They all talk behind your back bully you trying to invoke a reaction you are sexually harassed you finally breakdown you’re having a melt down at work nonetheless You report these happenings to your higher-ups they fire you and suggest you “grow up” Welcome to the world of autism, it can be cruel.

I love a clear blue sky, yet I'm enthused by a rainy day. I like how it washes my blues away. Some day I hope to see what my life really means to me. Is it worthy or is it not? Why am I always so deep in thought? Red rover, red rover, just turn me right over. And show me a day when I can head the right way! Okay?

Just had a wonderful revelation. I have always been afraid and controlled by fears and anxiety feeling like a knife in the heart or the back. I have always bent over backwards to avoid it. My new mantra is "please help me rise above my worries. I don't need it anymore. Thank you. " Feels wonderful and very freeing. Wow ! I amazed. I have been battling inside for quite a while and the last 48+ hours straight, really on the edge. Thank you for being here. Means so much to have a place to vent.